Significance of a Wedding Band

I was recently reading a liturgy in Every Moment Holy, Volume II. This book, along with Volume I, presents liturgies on a large number of topics about mundane as well as significant tasks/events in our lives. I have found the liturgies to be very inspirational and thought-provoking. This particular liturgy was on the subject of “Removing One’s Wedding Ring.” This struck a chord with me, as I pondered when (and if) I should remove the wedding ring after my wife died a number of years ago. I never got to really answer that question as I did something to my finger and it swelled up to the point where the ring was cutting off the circulation. Fortunately, my son was with me and helped me get it off. So the ring was removed from necessity, rather than any decision on part. I had not thought much about it since, even when I remarried. 

Legalities of Marriage. Marriage in our society has two aspects – the legal and the religious. The legal aspect requires us to obtain a marriage license from the local official. Under Florida Law,  the Clerk of Courts is that official. One humorous note here. I had a friend who was married shortly after graduating from college. The couple obtained a license from the Register of Deeds in the county where she lived. Unfortunately, the wedding ceremony was held in a church just across the county line. After the public service, the couple, the pastor, and a couple of witnesses jumped in a car and performed a quick service in the other county. I guess it worked, the last I heard they were still married.

Laws in each state and at the Federal level regulate marriage, defining who may get married to whom. In the past, interracial marriages, same-sex couple marriages, and other prohibitions were set in our laws. There are also rules regarding the ages of the couple.

The religious aspect is based on God’s law as revealed to us in His Word. The Bible treats marriage as a three-party union – the husband, the wife, and God. Traditional wedding vows reflect this trinity. These vows usually go something like “I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” Note that we refer to them as “vows” in the plural, as there are five vows, or promises given. As this is not the main focus of this article, I am only outlining these briefly. There are much deeper meanings conveyed in these vows.

First, “I take thee,” is an indication that you have selected each other of your own free will. Although God (or others) may bring people together, the choice to wed is made freely by the couple.

Second, “to have and to hold from this day forward.” Not to remove the romantic aspect of marriage, but this is a legal term dealing with property rights defining what legal interest is being conveyed. In a marriage setting, this means that each party in the marriage is promising an unbreakable marriage bond for life.

The third vow promises to stay faithful and committed no matter what happens – “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.” My first wife suffered years of a debilitating illness. Even though I consider myself unfit as a caretaker, I attended to her needs. This was not something I thought about. I just did it as I was only fulfilling the promise I made to her forty-plus years ago.

“To love and to cherish” is the fourth vow, building on the previous promise. It’s saying that, not only will you stay with your spouse, you will continue to love him or her no matter what.

The final vow is the culmination of the others, and relates to our specific topic of the wedding ring and when to remove it. “Till death do us part” indicates when this contract or union of the couple terminates. When one of the parties to the marriage passes away, the contract is fulfilled. The earthly bond is dissolved.

That does not mean that the surviving spouse totally forgets about the deceased spouse. Years of memories, experiences, adventures will remain. Every Moment Holy describes this time of union as a grace-filled season which has now come to pass. We remember fondly the good times, we recall the hard times, and we cherish the love through the years. After all, living with someone for most of your life will shape and mold who you are. I would not be the person I am today without the influence of both my wives.

But as the earthly bond has been dissolved, something new has come about. Love for the spouse changes. When they meet again in heaven it will not be as husband and wife, it will be as fellow members of the body and bride of Christ. Their love will be multiplied and perfected as “There will no longer be any curse.” (Revelation 22:3) The curse of sin is vanquished. God’s purpose in the marriage has been fulfilled.

The wedding ring is symbolic of the marriage. I am reminded of Paul’s words in I Corinthians 13:10-12 “but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away with. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known.” We have grown as a couple through the years. But as we grow, we change. We put away the partial for the perfect. No matter how good a relationship we had here on earth, it will pale to what we receive in heaven.

Our wedding bands symbolize what was. I’m glad I didn’t have to make the choice to keep or remove the band. I think it may have allowed me to make a better transition to my new life as a widower, and now a husband again. But the precious memories remain as do the new memories now being made with a new spouse. Letting go of the ring does not diminish the years of togetherness and love. 

In I Corinthians 5:17, Paul wrote, speaking of our relationship with Christ “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, this person is a new creation; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” I think this thought could be applied to marriage. When a spouse passes away, the relationship with that spouse becomes history. But new things will come. To the deceased spouse, that partner is now experiencing all the glory of heaven. New things beyond our human comprehension await that brother or sister in Christ. To the surviving spouse, he or she is still a part of this earth and will continue experiencing new things which may include a new marriage relationship or something else. But this spouse also has the knowledge that, on some future day, they will be reunited with the spouse in a new relationship in Heaven. And experiencing the wonder, the astonishment, the awe, the reverence, the surprise of Heaven with all the saints.

The ring symbolizes the promise of a shared life together, the plans that are formed as those shared lives progress, and the promise of an even greater eternity in Heaven. Even when removed, the past remains.

All scripture quoted is from the New American Standard Bible unless otherwise stated. 

Photo credits to Pexels, Susanne Nicolin, and Marinavoitik – from Pixabay